Roy Williams

I like the NFL. I especially like watching Howie Long talk about football on Sunday mornings (but that's not really what I want to post about today). But did you ever notice in professional football all the weird names? So few "normal" names really. I can't spell or pronounce some of them and of course there are some very funny commercials about mispronouncing player names in the fantasy football draft.

So in celebration of the normally first and last-named players, I'd like to see this game: Dallas Cowboys vs. Detroit Lions. That way we can be sure that when Roy Williams (CB) is covering Roy Williams (WR), we won't hear any mispronounced names that we can make fun of later. It may be akin to the Who's on First routine of fame, what with all the repitition of these same-named players or you might feel like you are stuck in one category of Wheel of Fortune, but hey, I can handle that.

Happy Election Day!

First, I love voting! I think voting is so cool. I love getting my ballot and I love thinking that I'm making a difference, that my voice is being heard and that people have to pay attention to what I want.

Therefore, I think we should start voting more often. No, I don't just mean we need to Rock the Vote in November and at local elections in April and such. I'm thinking bigger and well, smaller, at the same time.

Let's vote everyday! We used to do it in elementary school. Remember? The teacher would ask the whole class stuff and we'd decide. That's how we learned about democracy. I mean, sometimes I wonder about the whole idea of a representative democracy, and don't even get me started about the electoral college process, but we should definately have the opportunity to vote on a daily basis.

Think about it. I don't like some piece of legislation. I'm voting my senator out - or whatever. Oooo, better yet. I want to vote on the legislation myself. How hard can it be to accomplish this? Send it to me on my cell phone, post it on the web or I can go down to the polling place. You know, we should give people options. Then, if I choose, I could vote everyday on the stuff that really matters. Local, state and national stuff.

This sounds like such a glorious idea to me. Yeah, I know it's got glitches, but it's definately worth exploring. I mean, after all, its not like those in Congress actually spend a majority of their time voting on stuff. Let's spread the wealth. They're not doing such a hot job representing me anyway.

Election Ads - Blah, Blah, Blah

I am always amazed at election time. Different things will have this effect on me but usually it is the political ads and the things that the pundits deem newsworthy at this time of year. Last night while watching television (an activity I don’t usually pursue much), I saw several political ads. Of course, you say, it is that time of year. But the sheer diversity of the ads leaves me astounded. I know you’re on the edge of your seat awaiting my examples. I’ll not disappoint.

One ad for the incumbent governor had no speaking. Music played, people were shown holding up signs with one word on them as other words were printed on the screen. The tenor of the ad was so positive and so forward-looking that I was left with nothing but genuine enthusiasm.

Then, immediately following that ad, was another for the incumbent state attorney general. This ad was the polar opposite of the first. It was an attack on his opponent with a lot of negative connotation, innuendo and outright name-calling. I felt bad not only about the political system in our country following this ad but I also felt bad about life because of the ad! Is this really what the guy running for office intended? Who knows.

After sleeping on it, I’m still dejected by the second ad and the full-throttle negativity espoused with the ad. But what I really can’t get over is the fact that the juxtaposition of the two ads should have cancelled each other out, leaving me neither enthusiastic (from the first) nor dejected (from the second). It should have worked like eating a Snickers bar while drinking a Diet Coke – no ill effects. And yet, today I still fell distraught.
So, here’s the plan. I’m not voting for the incumbent attorney general. I have no faith in his ability to advertise and sell himself, so why should I have any faith in his ability to prosecute crime and lead my state legally. This could have serious ramifications, of course, since we all know that one vote is important. Consequently, if the current attorney general loses by one vote, he now knows exactly who to lay blame with – me!

Friday Five - Big City Livin' Sucks

Though I haven't lived in what I'd consider a big city for quite some time, I recall tonight why I don't ever wish to again and have decided to share. Enjoy.

5. Traffic - I learned to drive on the Interstate but I don't think that most other drivers are looking out for me. They are too busy trying to pass me as they are in an all-fired hurry to get to Applebee's for dinner or wherever they are going.

4. Attire - Since when was it not okay to wear plain old jeans and a t-shirt out to dinner? I don't like to dress up as if I'm going to a business meeting to share a steak with my parents or my friends or to visit the movie multiplex. Unless the restaurant is rated 4 stars or more or the theatre has a live performance going on a stage, I should be okay in my jeans.

3. Parallel parking - I became the queen of parellel parking in college but I gave up this title when I got a real job and starting fixing more than Top Ramen for my lunches daily. I should not be subjected to anything less than a full, pull-in parking spot for my p.o.s. car or SUV.

2. Night sky - You get a much better night sky view without all the streetlights, houselights, car headlights, etc. The quality of the dark is also much better for me for sleeping. When I'm in the city, I have to wear one of those silly sleepmasks that only people on TV (and me) wear to sleep at night. Hey, I'm light sensitive!

1. Waiting at restaurants - Hello. Welcome to (fill in the blank). How many in your party? OK. The wait is about 45 minutes. ... Now this actually means an hour or hour and 15 minutes, but they don't tell you that. They don't bring you water or even a mere crust of bread. You are treated as a nonentity and shoved into a corner near the door where you can fight for a seat or stand in everyone else's way until the little box pager in your hand plays its lightshow and vibrates. Then you can have the privilege of becoming a patron of the restaurant and be treated to their customer service and culinary delights. Yeah, this is a dining experience. And it is certainly worth the wait and the degredation - but only if you live in the big city.

Happy Friday all!

Grammar Girl Podcasts

As one of the last people to get an iPod, I was, of course, one of the last people to delve into the podcast listening realm. Now that I've done so, I don't want to go back. I get little snippets of video from Comedy Central; I get Tim Gunn telling me all the behind the scenes stuff going on at Project Runway (I'm so sad the season is over but I am glad Jeffrey won); and I get grammar and usage tips from Grammar Girl!

Grammar Girl has podcasts that are great for all writers. Whether you are a blogger, you do technical writing for your job, you're a writing professional, or a teacher, Grammar Girl has tips you can use. When you are putting your writing out there for others to see, you might be like me and want to make sure that you are correctly using the language in which you are writing. One of her latest podcasts helps with the age old problem of using affect or effect. She provides tips, examples, and also provides a mneumonic and cartoon (via her website) to help writers remember this. As someone who thinks the way we use language is quite important, I applaud Grammar Girl's efforts and hope that more people will begin listening to and applying her tips. The podcasts aren't long, usually between 3 and 7 minutes, but they are highly effective.

I don't think her listening audience is all that large, but I do think she's fabulous! You can find her podcast for free on iTunes or follow this link to her website and get on the grammatical track today!

Threnody for the Vocabulary of the General Populace

Reading Dean Koontz could seriously change your life. I know this sounds silly, but I really think if more people would read Dean Koontz books, there would be more stimulating conversations in bars and around the water cooler at work and the vocabulary of the general populace would improve, thereby changing the course of human history from a dumbed-down society of IMers who cannot spell or express themselves adequately into one that still thrives to be enlightened.

I just finished Forever Odd. Throughout the reading I was not only enthralled by the actually plot but enraptured by the words, the actual words Koontz uses to express the story. The vocabulary of a lot of popular authors is for shit, or at least they don't write as if they could score better than a 400 on the verbal portion of the GRE. Koontz, on the other hand, stretches my vocabulary and that's saying something as many of my friends consider me a logophile (which is probably not strictly true, though I do admire and collect interesting words). I honestly read his books with pen and paper handy so that I can write down the new words I'm going to learn while reading the book. I even use the dictionary once in awhile (gasp!). I mean who uses words like threnody? Seriously. Now I have to find a way to work that into a coversation, I just have to. But I don't often have conversations stimulating enough to throw out vocab about funeral dirges or laments.

Anyway, the point is if the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy can give us the answer to the question about life and everything, probably a Dean Koontz book could at least alter the vocabulary the world uses to question life and everything or to describe what the answer really means.

Or, I could still be high on pain medication.

Friday Five - Sex Offender Registry

Here are my top five reasons why you should check your state's sex offender registry.

5. The creepy guy next door really might be a rapist. In my case, he's not exactly next door but down the street and I don't walk by that house alone anymore and neither do any of my friends!

4. It's a real eye-opener. Did you ever really think there were actually that many? I had no real conception of how many registered sex offenders there were until I checked the registery. You hear the stats like 1 in 4 women will be raped in her lifetime, but for me that stat had no perspective until I saw the list. And I only looked up my town! Granted, the list also contains sex offenders other than rapists, but to me, it's all in the same ball park. If you're on the list, I don't want to be around you.

3. Now you won't feel so paranoid about locking all the doors and windows and keeping the shades drawn. Okay, so maybe I'm the only one who actually felt paranoid about doing this, but I don't feel paranoid anymore. Now I feel safer, even if my friends poke fun at me.

2. I can check for my friends' boyfriends names and all my new co-workers. When I told a new co-worker that I checked to see if his name was on there, he was astonished. He couldn't believe I didn't trust for his name not to be there. But hey, dude, I just met you! I don't know anything about you or what you might be like. This gives me a least a fleeting sense of security about working with you. I also check out anyone new a friend is dating, especially if they've met through the Internet. This makes me feel a little more secure about my friends being alone with potentially strange men.

1. Being informed is powerful. Having access to this information makes me feel like I can choose what to do about it, and I can. I don't go around posting pictures of the guys with their addresses and warning women not to go near those houses, but I do feel better about knowing where potential dangers are in my neighborhood.